The Beginning

I hurt me knee a few weeks back when the first baseman from the other team ran into me as I was running through first base.  The impact was pretty brutal since I was mid-stride, stretching out my left leg to tag the base.

The next thing I knew, I was on the ground.

My knee swelled and I sat out the rest of the game.  I spent the next few days resting, elevating and icing my knee and the swelling went down so that I could hobble along my merry way.

Despite the swelling going down and continued rest though, I couldn't fully straighten my knee.  My knee was getting better though, and I casually asked a few doctor friends about my knee and there were no alarms.

So, I decided to play volleyball. I play year-round and it's not only my exercise, but also my escape from life and work. 

I've met friends through volleyball and it's two to three hours where I'm just having fun (for the most part) and not thinking about whether I left the coffee maker on, the annoying co-worker who is being more annoying than usual, when I need to get my oil changed, etc.

I took it easy that night, but my knee still ended up collapsing under me and I just knew something was wrong.

After a trip to the emergency room (which is not helpful unless you think you've broken a bone since they will take x-rays) and a visit to the orthopedist (which is helpful since he was able to discern that I might have a tear and scheduled me for an MRI) last Thursday, I find out that the jackass who ran into me ended up tearing my ACL.

My non-specialist-woman-off-the-street advice after being barraged with ACL and Achilles injury stories as a result of my experience, is to see a specialist and get an MRI if your joints are feeling off after 2-3 weeks.  Swelling will cause discomfort, but you should have full mobility if there is no tear.

A co-worker hurt his Achilles and had seen his primary care physician, even asking for an MRI, but the PC did not think it was necessary.  By the time he discovered it was his Achilles, it was too late for an operation as scar tissue had already formed.

The ACL is different, but protect your joints - it's incredible how much we rely on them, even for the smallest thing.

Now, I will get off my soapbox and move on...

Stages of Grief

Me after a tournament with two healthy knees.

Upon learning about my torn ACL and realizing that I would need surgery and not be able to play volleyball for about a year, I went through the Kuber-Ross model Five Stages of Grief.

I was in Denial and shock at first, and pushed off researching the injury.  I didn't even think to make my go-to denial joke (that it's not just a river in Egypt) when telling people that I was in denial.

That's how bad it was.

Then, I became really really Angry at the JACKASS who ran into me.  The Jackass who was reckless, careless and overly aggressive - come on now, it's a work league softball game!

I really wanted to make the Jackass feel bad for what he did and how he impacted my life by his sheer Jackass-ness.  (Clearly, I still regress to this stage every now and then.)

I skipped over the Bargaining stage of trying to extend the inevitable.  I'm a realist and task master, so started to think about planning, execution and what it would mean logistically when I get the surgery.  I would need to have a good supply of frozen foods, make a Target toilet paper run before the surgery, and so on.

I definitely spent a good amount of time visiting the next stage, Depression.  All this past weekend I sat on my couch and felt sorry for myself.  I thought of how I'll never get to get to know the cute guy from my vball league just as we were starting to acknowledge each other and chat between games.

I live in Boston so acknowledgement is a big step.

I watched hours upon hours of the London Olympics and just stared at the athlete's flaunting their fully functional knees in front of me and wishing that I could just run and jump.  I stayed on the couch a lot these past few days - I didn't want to risk doing anything and worsening my knee, my Depression reasoned.

Eventually, I made it to this final stage of Acceptance and realized that I needed to find something to keep me occupied during the upcoming months.

I need to find something to replace volleyball, especially during the winter months when it gets dark before I leave work and the cold causes people to hibernate.  And thus, the idea of knitting through my rehab and the origins of this blog came to fruition...